Overcoming Insecurity in Your Relationship

Perception is reality

No matter how confident you are in your everyday life, when it comes to relationships it’s all too easy for insecurity to creep in. No matter how loyal your boyfriend is, or how great your life together may be, you may still harbor fears that he is cheating. That he will find someone new, or that the spark is slowly seeping out of your sex life.

The fact that those fears are often unfounded does not make them any less real. Perception is reality, and if you want to overcome insecurity in your relationship you need to change the way you look at yourself. Here are 10 tips you can start using right now.

1. Practice Turning Negative Thoughts Into Positive Ones
You do not have to be a meditation guru to turn your negative thoughts into positive affirmations. Just think about the things that bug you and make you feel insecure, then look for more positive ways to express those thoughts. You might not get it right 100% of the time, but practice makes perfect.

2. Stop Obsessing
Obsessing over your insecurities will not make them go away. In fact, obsessing over things you wish were different will just make those problems loom larger in your life.

The next time you find yourself obsessing about something that makes you insecure, try looking for ways to change it. If you can change it, work out a plan to do so. If it cannot be changed, stop obsessing and let it go.

3. Make Time for Yourself
You do not have to be your boyfriend’s servant and mother. You and your partner should be on equal footing, and you should not be afraid to make time for yourself. If your boyfriend does not understand that you need me time once in a while, you need a new boyfriend.

4. Understand that Your Partner Still Has Eyes
He’s a man. He can’t help looking at an attractive woman from time to time. If he didn’t respond to good looking women, he wouldn’t be your boyfriend in the first place. Learn to stop obsessing about every wayward glance, and resist the urge to punish your boyfriend for a mere look.

Being understanding about the nature of men does not mean ignoring things that should make you jealous. Things like talking to another woman without your knowledge, talking to an old girlfriend on Facebook and flirting with a coworker should raise your ire.

5. Don’t Sell Yourself Short
If every boyfriend you ever had has turned out to be a jerk, you might need to look in the mirror for the real problem. If you are insecure about your attractiveness and your value, you are likely to settle for less than you deserve.

Stop devaluing yourself. You deserve a good relationship, and life is too short to stay with a creep. There are plenty of great guys out there. Your job is to find one, but until you come across one… being single is not so bad.

6. Don’t Be Afraid of Being Alone
Some women are so afraid of being single that they put up with crap just to keep the guy around. There is something worse than not having a boyfriend – having a boyfriend who does not value you and see your true worth.

Never be afraid of being single. Even if you kick that no-good boyfriend to the curb, you will still have plenty of friends and a family that loves you.

7. Give Yourself Space to Breathe
No matter how much you love your boyfriend, you do not have to be joined at the hip. Give yourself and your partner space to breathe and enjoy their favorite activities. If he wants a night out with his friends, let him enjoy the freedom. You can always schedule a girls’ night out or enjoy a relaxing bubble bath at home.

8. Embrace Your Imperfections
No one is perfect, not even people who are sure they are. The sooner you embrace your imperfections the sooner you can let go of your insecurities. You may not like your nose, but others (including your boyfriend) may find it charming. No one is perfect, and obsessing over things you cannot change will only leave you insecure and miserable.

9. Let Go of Past Wounds
Overcoming insecurity is more difficult if you have been hurt before. Whether he was a no-good cheating boyfriend or just a jerk, he left you questioning your self-worth and wondering if love is worth the trouble.

It might be hard, but letting go of those past hurts is an important part of the healing process. It helps to have a sense of humor as well. You might not think that breakup was funny at the time, but in time you can learn to laugh about your crazy ex.

10. Put Down Your Baggage
If you have enough baggage to start your own luggage shop, it is time to put it all behind you and let go. Letting go of the past is hard, but letting the past wreck your future is even worse.

The past is one thing you will never be able to change, so stop obsessing about it and move on. You would never drive your car by looking in the rear-view mirror. It is time to look through the windshield and embrace the future.  -Tina T.